Ok this is a long one so bear with me. My boyfriend and of of 6 years are separating, we have a daughter together who is about to turn 4 next week. We have been through a lot as young parents including issues with my Dad. For the past 1 and 8months I have been stuck in a hole. Depressed in a sense, I easily lost hold of who I was and my goals and ambitions in life. My boyfriend and Dad had a huge blow out at that time. I was reluctant to address the issue and resolve anyway but mine which is to let time heel which was not working. It has been a struggle since not having my Dads side of the family apart of our lives and constant arguments between my boyfriend and I over the issue plus others. It has gotten to the breaking point with my boyfriend that he wants to separate. He feels that I am not the person I use to be, that I am weak and do not stand up for what I feel. I feel the support has not been there always you should do this and that and never any WE. We have talked about how the separation will allow us to work on ourselves and heal and maybe we will rejoin in the future. This is not what I want, I believe this is something we can do with out separating. Sorry if I am babbling now but I need advice. I want to save this relationship I do not want to separate, I have tried many different things and they are not working. Including talking to my Dad and attempting to re-build our relationship in hopes to create some positive energy between our homes. (Something my boyfriend told me to do a long time ago but I wanted to do it my way was getting some head way until I got shot down with the it’s to late, I don’t care anymore from my boyfriend) So please do not hold back any words of wisdom would be helpful. I do not want my family to be torn apart I believe we are strong enough to strive. any additional info needed please ask. I thank you in advance.
Originally posted 2009-03-29 05:04:03.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
ask God for guidance give everything to him have faith and ull c how everything turns out GREAT!!!!
It doesn’t sound like this has anything to do with your Dad. Your boyfriend wants out. Separating is bad because the likelyhood of getting back together is very slim. If you separate he’ll see it as permission to do whatever (and whoever) he wants. If he doesn’t think your relationship is worth saving then he won’t work to make things better. Such a shame with a little girl involved. Good luck
See if your boyfriend will agree to marriage counseling (even so you aren’t married, a counselor can help you work out these issues and/or figure out if separating is the best thing or not in your situation). It’s hard to advise without details (and I’m not asking you to post details here) about everything like what the issues with Dad are, etc.
Just give it time and maybe things will work out for you.
it sounds like this situation has gone on long enough that your fights are probably just repeats where you all just say the same things over and over again and no one is really listening anymore.
your boyfriend is right about one thing: something must change. he might think that you guys need to seperate but since you have a child who will be affected I would like to see you guys try to stay together and work things out
since fighting and going over the same old issues is not getting you guys anywhere it is time to get a third-party involved. Some one who can act like a referee – a person who can listen to both of you (and maybe your dad too) and help you both hear what the other one realy needs.
if you do not have the money to pay for counseling there are options. start by calling you local social services agency and asking for a a therapist with a sliding fee schedule. therapists must work hundreds of hours in order to get certified so often they are willing to work for little or no money in order to get their license. you can also contact CPS – i know that may sound scary but really they can be helpful – ask about voluntary services. Most CPS (child protective service)agencies have what they call voluntary services where they will offer free couseling and other services just because you ask and you have a child who will be affected by what happens to your family. They will give you services without getting all up in your business.
Even if your boyfriend and dad refuse to go with you to couseling go by yourself. You are being torn between the two men in your life and that has to be painful and confusing – a good therapist can help you figure out what YOU want and need to be the best mom to your daughter.
I wish you luck and if you need more help finding help email me and tell me what town you are in and i will try to find help for you and your family.
what is your dad fighting with your boyfriend for? Do you still need your dads help? are you living with father? does your boyfriend work and support kid? my ans would be family counseling on normal stuff but I don’t know if your father has good cause to be up set and your boyfriend should not be the one who is fighting with your father
You need to tell your boyfriend that you strongly believe that the two of you can survive through this. Tell him that you love him and don’t want to lose him. I also strongly suggest praying, everyday. Talk to God, tell Him everything, and have faith that He will keep your family together. Good luck to your family, I’ll be praying for you.