Possible to save relationship after abuse?

My boyfriend has suffered some severe emotional abuse from me, at first things were great but then after about a year of us being together I started having extreme mental health and emotional issues like rage and depression and I’m so messed up on the inside, and because of me my guy has be drug down low. (I’m not making an excuse, I’m just explaining how I am). There have been some messed up things that have happened in the past. Things aren’t even half as bad right now as they were like a year ago, and I know he’s an adult and he chose to stay but I but now he is so messed up because of me and I just never owned up to getting myself to change until these past couple of months. I don’t deserve him, I hurt him so much. I just want to know if it’s possible to save a relationship after so much damage, because we both love eachother very much, he’s so messed up about it beacuse he wants to be with me but not how it is while I’m in this messed up state hurting him all the time
We aren’t together right now, we have been not really together for a while now but it’s been a back and forth kind of thing and because both of us now are emotionally unstable it seems there’s always some kind of a fight, whether because of my insecurity. We know we shouldn’t be together now and we aren’t but is it possible to even save after having experienced such things.
the time during this has happened he stayed with me because it wasn’t like me because it was like I was I was someone else , I think I possibly have a disorder like borderline disorder but i’m not sure, I need to go to a doctor. I’m hopeful maybe because it was like I was some other person and not being malicious on purpose or something maybe we have hope to move on if we both go seperate ways and reconnect after healing? :’(
I’m sorry some of my writing is gibberish, I’m crying right now.
Dina K, did you not read what I wrote? I said we are not and have not been together in a typical relationship, and have not been for a while, and I wanted to know if it was possible to eventually save it AFTER the fact of us both healing. And other things you have said show me you haven’t truly read what I wrote. You really ought to read things before you respond.
*oops I meant, we have been together yes, but not together in a typical way in a while